I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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