I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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