Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
