A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
