How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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