I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
