hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
