Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
