He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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