Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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