yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize