He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
