dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
