Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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