i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
