3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
