I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
