I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
