Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
