Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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