i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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