oh god the rape fog is back!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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