I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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