we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
