Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
