Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
