My hair reeks of homosexuality.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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