We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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