Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
