a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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