I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
