remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
