Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
