He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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