I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
