I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
