I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
