I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
