dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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