Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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