Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
