My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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