theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize