hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
