Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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