I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
