1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
