Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
