How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
