i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
