dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
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