I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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