saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
two words: eviction party
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
