wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
