He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
