I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
