If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
