I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
