i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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