the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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