it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
