its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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