You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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