I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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