I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
