i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
