Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
