soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
