I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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