i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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