I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
