her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
