My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't deserve a penis
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
