you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize