Just fell off a train. Bad.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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