It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
