so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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