Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
