Don't make out with my wife yet
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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