I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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