I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
