talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
