I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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