mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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