i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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