what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
