Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
