Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
All I want is dick and wine.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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