the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
