Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
