it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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