I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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