I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
