just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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