You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
