tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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