she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
