I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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