Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
