i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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