she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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