so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
