She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
