Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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