I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
