Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
A+ Viking dick
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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