Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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