bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
