i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
