i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
