I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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