shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
