You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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